I know when we said our vows that I agreed to “for better or worse”, but it just ain’t getting any better, if you know what I mean. Seems that ever since he got that Street Pilot thing from those LDR boys, he’s been checking out every way-point ‘cept mine. Don’t get me wrong here. I mean Harvey’s a good provider and all, but him and me and Mr. Tonto-Toy ain’t exactly the family scenario I’d envisioned. Any advice on how to jumpstart the lovin, and cut down on our Ray-O-Vac bill??

 Now whadda I do, indeed,

 Mrs. Harvey Mushman  
1978 Starksburg PTA “Mom of the Year”
Happy Hens 4-H Club
Starksburg Good Neighbor Committee
1998 Plymouth Voyager  “full size spare”

Hey there Mrs. M,

Harvey ain’t a bad guy, he’s just a little mis-directed is all.  I recommend you change your lovin’ to a rally style format to spice things up.  Get him a route sheet with your bonus locations and stick to it. Let him know what place he can meet you next Tuesday from 5 to 9 pm only, for 680 points.  If he makes it there, let him find you at the next “doggie house” for more points. Give him your exact coordinates (you know what I mean) and periodically post listings around the house showing that he’s not in first place, (but is moving up). Issue him certificates and license plate frames periodically, and put his name up on your website. And for heaven’s sake, don’t forget that receipt.

I’m just here to help,

Dirky