BLIII: Starting Line--August 8, 2006
August 9 2006 at 12:22 AM 

by Adam Wolkoff 

Yesterday, the unthinkable happened to Kevin Healey: the bill for the cheeseburgers arrived.

When the rally was first announced, its start location was not public knowledge. This was in part for our own amusement, but also to give us time to lock up every available room in town for our riders. Due to the scarcity of rooms for rent in town, there was a very real risk that unless riders made early reservations, spectators and random motorists would deplete the available lodging, forcing riders to stay miles away in Yankton. Healey, a/k/a Wizard, became a Legend In His Own Time after he disclosed the then secret start location on the TeamStrange discussion board. In order to redeem himself, Wizard offered to buy tasty Two Rivers Saloon cheeseburgers for the rally staff and volunteers. Of course we accepted.

Healey probably thought the whole thing was forgotten until we were ready to hand out route sheets at the opening banquet. Of course he was wrong. Rally staff had been enjoying cheeseburgers—exactly 32 of them—since Friday. (Even some of the riders bragged about sneaking a burger onto Wizard’s tab, which totaled $116 and some change.) He knew we were serious when he found out we wouldn’t give him his route sheet until he paid up. Though he left us to handle the tip, Wizard paid his bill to a round of applause and then it was down to business.

Riders quickly figured out they were headed south and west to Tombstone, where Checkpoint 1 and a rally-furnished hotel room awaited. The banquet hall emptied quickly as everyone found a quiet place to contemplate the options. Back at the Two Rivers, only Howard Steuber and Victor “Doc Fuzz” Wanchena remained in the bar. “I’ve known Eddie for too long to take the first route sheet he hands out,” explained Steuber. “There’s never anything but sucker bets on those.” The Doctor, dressed for a night out in the Castro District, said nothing and coolly eyed the bottle of Wild Turkey sitting on the bar. Whether he was remembering what had been, or thinking of what could still be poured from the vessel is anyone’s guess.

0500 this morning came early, dark and wet. This part of the state hasn’t seen rain in weeks, leading more than one rider to conclude that at least part of the entry fee had been directed toward cloud seeding. Of course we can’t take credit for the rain, but luck counts too. Inside the Two Rivers, Pat and his crew waited with a hot breakfast of homemade biscuits and gravy, grilled ham and fresh fruit. (These folks have really gone all out for our group—just imagine what time you’d have to get up to make breakfast for 90 people and have it on the table with a smile at five in the morning.) With food in their bellies, riders were fortified for the three additional route sheets that were soon forthcoming. 

Not every rider was in a rush to leave Niobrara. John Coons instead decided to finish his breakfast at a civilized pace. Coons has twice won 1st Overall in the Minnesota 1000, which means he is a fierce competitor with a knack for putting together efficient, mistake-free runs. While everyone else was rushing for their bike, Coons snuck out the back door and over to the Niobrara Trading Post, where he made a small purchase and secured a printed receipt with the time stamped upon it. He reasoned that if he couldn’t quickly make sense of the additional route sheets, he’d spend his sleep bonus now and at least earn points for planning his route. The rap against Coons is that he’s too wedded to the 24-hour format, and that he lacks the physical stamina and mental discipline required in a multi day event. One could argue that burning your sleep bonus in the opening hours of the rally evidences a sprinter’s mentality and proves the critics correct. One could also point out that a similar strategy did absolutely no good for Gary Eagan in the second ButtLite. While I concede that these arguments are persuasive, I’m not convinced that they are correct. Coons is well aware he’s not running a 24-hour event, and he is fully capable of properly pacing himself. If he can keep himself from trying to win this rally on the first leg, he has to be counted a strong contender for the win.

TeamStrange rally rules strictly prohibit outside help on this event, however riders are permitted to work with each other on route planning and some choose to team up and ride the event together. Sometimes the success of the partnership outlasts the event. For example, Mark Kiecker, Marty Leir and Will Outlaw collected more than a few ButtLite bonuses together on their way to greater glory and a 2-3-4 finish as “The Minnesota Wrecking Crew” in the 2003 Ironbutt Rally. It is therefore always instructive to observe the formation and progress of these joint ventures. 

This year the swaggering, scruffy Wrecking Crew has been replaced by Chris Berg, Ron Hanson and Carrie Hanson, self-christened as Team Newbie. If the Wrecking Crew were pirates, Team Newbie are deck officers on a nuclear submarine. This group works well as a unit, and they claim they are committed to sticking together (by CB radio if necessary) through the entire rally. Eddie was clearly impressed by the partnership, diplomatically commenting, “The Hansons and Berg are like a smarter Kiecker, Lier and Outlaw. I see them rolling on this event.” The members of Team Newbie were among the last riders to leave the Two Rivers. We’ll see how their venture is faring on Thursday.

There are lots of other riders to watch. Mark “Doc” Koch has done well on many past TeamStrange events, and has the right mental attitude out of the gate. Eric Jewell is riding his own bike headed west into his own backyard, and would certainly like to claim ownership of two ButtLite victories. Tom Loftus came out of retirement (again), bringing with him a potent combination: a ton of IBR experience and an 1800 Gold Wing. Rick Miller is a proven ButtLite competitor and knows his way around a route sheet; he’ll be tough to beat.

Of course, the rider must manage the route. A poorly chosen route will deprive even a skilled rider of points critical for a win at the end of the event. The routes available on Leg 1 range from the stupid to the sublime, and we are presently without knowledge as to who has been able to figure out the difference. Most of the riders claimed they were headed for Gerlach, Nevada on Route D, which was handed out at the opening banquet. Many in this group didn’t give Routes A through C more than a cursory glance. Knowing this, do their barroom musings of last night now entitle Steuber and Wanchena a spot on the short list?

I’m not going there. ButtLite has always been about surprise endings (broken rally mug, anyone?) and this year can hardly be expected to be any different. The Leg 1 results may offer a clue. For now, it’s anyone’s guess and every rider’s rally.

ASW
August 8, 2006